heirs's Xanga

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:15:43 GMT

I really cannot deny how much God is trying to reach out to me. In my midst of troubles, and worries I am easily put into the spot to find my heart breaking down before Him...

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 02:01:43 GMT

Dc talk wrote...

"...remember the deepest seeds still finds the light of day..."

It is God's design, it is how He made it to be. When you have His spirit inside of you, you will know His heart. As far as a seed is buried deep in the ground, its purpose is to grow towards light. It sense sunlight when the sun shines, it knows where to go.

I was hit with news about God and in my heart fled with tears, I cannot hold back the truth that I know about God and the things that I have so very ignored and forgotten. As those words came into my ears and into my heart, I was filled with how much God is real and I knew so very well that my spirit longs to burst into joy and worship. Despite how may be blinded to many distractions in front of me, but when God's words come by, I cannot deny His power and that it brings me to my lowest...

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 21:41:20 GMT

The streets are filled with leaves...

Now through the midst of fall, the landscape reminds me of things that would happen as the weather gets colder. I start bringing out thicker wears, I start to prepare for different events to take place. And I am reminded of Christmas that is around the corner.

I could still remember a year ago when I got to go home. I could still feel and smell the air of home. Time has passed all too quickly and I don't know what have I done that is worth all these 10 months or so. I managed to finish a personal project that I am happy about, I manage to find myself in a point of humility that I really needed, I manage to find doors open for opportunities of self improvement. But I don't know if I have done anything worthy for God.

Over a year ago, I was really broken down in the midst of some people and now it is the other way around... I am wondering if God is telling me something. But I do know that such a experience is not something to be put to waste and I am waiting for God to lead me to do something about it.

I hope that seen or unseen, that I have done what I needed to do this year. I know that I will never get to fulfill everything that God wants me to do, seeing how pathetic I can be some times, I know I am far from the goal. I hope I have put effort into drawing myself closer to the edge of His will. The renewal of my mind is never such a big change since a few years back. But all in all, God places many things this year to turn me around.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:08:29 GMT

Lest we forget who we are and what we are capable of, we will not survive.

I am reminded again and again that I need to look to God for everything. Even as I entrust people around me for big tasks, my foremost criteria is someone who depends on God, and skills comes next. But I think I kind of went the other direction to put skills first. My dependence on God fluctuates so much that I become a hypocrite. My confidence thus fluctuates with this very issue, as I make decisions that sometimes don't make sense.

Yesterday I was reminded by something of my need for God because I was confronted with something that I could not understand and could not work out. Then I fell into a place of anxiety and worry, and helplessness filled my heart. I have no idea how are things to work out, in ways that I do not want to work to gain the world and abandoning my soul for eternity.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:42:21 GMT

I felt an urge to write, I don't know why.

At an instant, I felt the world in my head. I just finished watching a sci-fi series and listen to some songs. I filled my 2 hours with things ranging from different specs in life. And this leads me to conclude that our world is really complicated. Leave alone science alone, but the complexity of the heart and mind.

Everyone in the world is trying to find a place for themselves, or trying to live a legacy for something, or taking the best they can get from the diversity before them. We have specialists... or jack of all trades but master of none. We have geniuses of academia but with the lack of understanding of simplicity of life. We have and extreme of one side, we have people in the middle who cannot comprehend either sides.

The world is too big, and no one can grasp it all. Even as man determines to conquer everything, something new comes up. The universe is beyond what we can still measure. Let alone, the world has more for us to discover.

My God is too BIG... yet resides in my heart!

Monday, October 05, 2009

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 17:55:33 GMT

I believe in a God of clarity... God gives clear instructions. But of late, I am finding confusion in His word. The bible is not at all an easy book to read, left alone understanding it.

And being in a state of confusion, scares me. I find uncertainty in my beliefs, and it wears me to know if I am no longer sure of what I am going through with life.

I am not saying that I don't believe in God, however I do find myself thinking that I may not be sure what is God telling me to do. It is mere knowing that what I am doing is what I ought to do to live my life as He instructs, but there are many understanding and interpretation of God's instructions, and even if it is not what God has inspired, who and what should I believe to be true?

Then I remembered that there is something that keeps me safe, not consciously knowing I am saved by God but about the truth of God... and that is... God is God and all that He says he is with everything that is written directly or not in His word. So... NO MATTER IF I END UP IN HELL,... I will worship Him for his worth, and I will do as much as I know and understands with His spirit guiding me to live this life.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:31:15 GMT

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want...

Monday, August 24, 2009

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 12:36:50 GMT

Putting everything aside, as I have been flooded with some unnecessary concerns and burdens. Even my responsibility at the peak are left on hold. As a passage turns me to ponder over myself and God, I am swept by the littlest did of God's heart...

Jesus met with a man living within the tombs. Day and night this man tortured himself, and in appearance with a behavior of non-humanity. So was I feeling the same at times, that I am carrying in me evil that lingers with every sin I make. So much sin that I throw myself into a state of hopelessness, so much that I stand out. But just as the demons recognizes Jesus and pleaded, my sins were brought into attention for the need of redemption at the very act of Jesus' words.

I need a Savior and I have one. And so very often I have undermined God's... everything. I fail to see that God is so very very different from me and the way He thinks is unimaginable. Our mercies do not match, as my capability of mercy is beyond adequate to be even compared. Thus I fear because I do not know, and the truth of matter is that I do not know how much God has saved me. I will never know how much because simply God did not fully explained it to us... and now I see that God never really intended us to understand His love, but to only know that it exists for us...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 10:46:19 GMT

Father, uncertainty hangs in the air tonight. Accusation haunts me in my sleep. Is there no faith left in me to face the situation? My strength only stretches as far as my beliefs. I do not like these moments, I wish for it to pass but I know for it reasons to linger.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 16:22:53 GMT

Every now and then, I come to the point of wondering if I am living right the way God wants. All these pursue for a good life, riches and such and here God is telling me that life hurts. So I am practically taking life away from getting hurt when God says that I cannot avoid it.

Don't you ever find yourself working so hard to get a little higher and higher and then one day you realized that you have not opened the bible for weeks. At that moment, everything seems meaningless. I can imagine living a life that is only fighting to keep up with the world and forget to live it.

I get tired trying to figure things out because of expectations, peer pressure and my very own desires and then I find that anything without God is really meaningless. I see people are trying to get the best of life but forget that their lives are supposedly given up for Jesus and it is not for them to force a plan for it. Even to that extend, they keeping saying that by 'God's grace, they will succeed'. As humbling that may sound, it also sounds stupid that they come out with whatever plans they want and hope for God to bring it to pass.

I have dreams of getting certain things in life, but I want to know that those things are blessings from God, not my own hard work. I want my focus to be where God's is.